Golf Jokes – 25 Irrefutable Laws of Golf

1. No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the at the end of the round, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a season and, eventually, a lifetime.
2. The best round of your life will be followed almost immediately by the worst round of your life. The probability of the this occurrence increases with the number of people you tell about the it.
3. New golf balls are drawn to water. although this cannot be proven by science, it is a well known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
4. Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
5. No matter what causes a golfer to shank a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the golf gods.
6. The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
7. The older you are, the more likely you are to “play your age.”
8. Every par-three in the world has a “Napoleon Complex” which equates to a burning desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater the complex.
9. Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
10. Palm trees eat golf balls.
11. Depending on your shot, the USGA “ground under repair ruling” can be applied anywhere on the course.
12. Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you?
13. Golf carts always die at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
14. A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.
15. All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
16. It NEVER “opens up over there.”
17. Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water.
18. A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
19. “Nice lag” can usually be translated to “lousy putt.” Similarly, “tough break” can usually be translated “way to miss an easy one, sucker.”
20. The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
21. The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
22. Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
23. Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
24. All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
25. A cart path bounce will NEVER play to your advantage.