Golf Jokes – President Obama changes the rules of golf

Golf Jokes – President Obama changes the rules of golf

President Obama has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective 01 June 2010.

This is only a preview as the complete rulebook is being rewritten as we speak.

Here are a few of the changes…

Golfers with handicaps:

- Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.

- Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.

- Above 18 will get a $25 check each time they play.

The dollar amount placed in bets will be as follows:

- For handicaps below 10, an additional $10.

- Between 11 and 18, no additional amount.

- Above 18, you will receive the total amount in the pot even if you do not play.

The term “gimme” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:

- Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.

- Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.

- Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term ‘net score’ will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.

This is intended to ‘redistribute’ the success of winning by making sure that in every competition; the above 18 handicap players will post only ‘net score’ against every other player’s gross score.

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. 
Golf must be about Fairness. 
It should have nothing to do with Ability.

Like what you read? Here’s some other golf jokes for your viewing pleasure.

  5 comments for “Golf Jokes – President Obama changes the rules of golf

  1. at

    Nice. Whats next, Green tax on Greens Fees.

  2. Jack Whitley
    at

    George W. Bush’s SEC Golf Rules

    Here are a few of the changes:

    Golfers with handicaps:

    - below 10 will only be required to have 5% of the money they are betting in their pocket on the day of the match

    - between 11 and 18 will be required to have 100% of the money they are betting in their pockets on the day of the match, plus 37% of the money being bet by the below 10 handicap group

    - above 18 will be required to have 125% of the money they are betting in their pocket on the day of the match, plus the 58% remainder of money being bet by the below 10 handicappers

    - The below 10 handicap players will then arrange for a 2nd group of below 10 handicap golfers to set up “bet default insurance” on the 95% of cash the first group of low handicappers don’t have in pocket.

    - The first group of below 10 handicap golfers will pay a small premium to the second group of low handicap golfers for this insurance, but since their bet is now insured and “AAA”, they can go make more bets with only 5% of cash in their pockets. They can leverage their 5% of bet money by a factor of 100, or more!

    - In the meantime, the second group of low handicap golfers will sell trillions more of this “bet insurance” to low handicap golfers all over the country for lots of fees. But they will not reserve any money for paying out because that would tie up capital and is “excessive gov’t regulation” and really, how likely is it that low handicap golfers are going to make bad bets?

    - Then, a third group of low handicap golfers will figure out that they can bundle up the 1st group’s bet insurance contracts into units, buy a 2nd layer of “bet insurance” on those, and earn their own fees! Epic!

    - Then the first group of low handicap golfers says – “But my God, “government regulation” is strangling this business, and we’d like to bet more, let’s go to “W’s” SEC and talk.”

    - “W’s SEC says “okay, it looks like gov’t regulation is strangling you, we are going to lower your requirement for cash on hand to 2.5%”.

    - All three groups of low handicap golfers yell “Hooray!”, and another $100 trillion of leveraged business is in the pipeline.

    - But then, on their very first, original bet, the one that all other contracts are written on, the low handicap golfers get their asses kicked by some high-handicap golfers that they were sure they had totally screwed on the 1st tee.

    - The first low handicap group goes to their “bet insurance” providers, but after 100 fold leverage and no reserves, the “bet insurance” people have no money, and there is no payout.

    - Then, all three groups of low handicap golfers have an idea, “Let’s get all the mid and high handicap golfers, who weren’t playing in our matches, and then all the people who don’t even play golf or have never even heard of golf (in the entire country) to come up with money to cover us. If they don’t do it, they’re hosed, as $176 trillion dollars of worthless “bet insurance” (derivatives) in the banking system will make their dollars, well….worthless. $2.5 trillion of their money to cover our original underlying “bets” ought to prop up the remaining $173.5 trillion until we can get out of town.” Brilliant!

    - “Then, we’ll blame all this on the 1% of high-handicap golfers we thought we had totally screwed on the 1st tee. They are irresponsible bettors, and through their dishonesty and general sorryness, and even though they have no money, they almost destroyed the world financial system. Thank god for us low handicappers being on watch.” Brilliant!

    So yes, I think even non-golfers will understand this after they’ve been paying for 10 or 15 years.

    Jack

  3. dave morin
    at

    Jack you don’t know jack President Bush never played golf when the country was at war. Because Pres Bush has class. Unlike Pres Barry hussain Obama

  4. WILL
    at

    Does Obama’s rules apply to every golf course in all 57 STATES ??

  5. WILL
    at

    I see Barry is a GENUINE LEFTY, OK now I understand his messes

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