Golf Blog by The Orlando Golf Blogger

Golf Jokes – Terrible Weather

There was a golfer who played golf every Saturday and Sunday, regardless of the weather.

One Saturday, per his usual routine, he left the house early and headed for the golf course. It was so bitter cold that, for once, he decided he wouldn’t play golf that day and went back home.

When he arrived home, his wife was still in bed so he took off his clothes, snuggled up to his wife and said “terrible weather out there.”

She replied, “Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband went golfing.”

Have a great weekend!

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Religious Golf Battle

The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a challenge from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.

“Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Shimon Peres wants to challenge you to a golf match to determine whether Catholics or Jews are superior.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, in all his years on the earth he had never picked up a golf club.

“Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “we’ll call the U.S and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres… We can’t lose!” Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus.

“Second?!!” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!”

“No,” said Nicklaus, “second to Rabbi Woods.”

Golf Humor – Lying about your age

Thomas, a 70 year old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the country club with an absolutely gorgeous, breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year old brunette.

She hangs onto his arm and listens intently to his every word.

His usual playing partners and fellow members of the club are baffled and shocked.

At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Thomas, how did you get the amazing trophy girlfriend?”

To which he replies, “Girlfriend? Hell, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my wife!”

Disbelieving Thomas, they ask, “So, how did you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age”, he replies.

“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”

Thomas smiles and says, “Nope, I told her I was 90.”

Here’s some other golf humor posts for ya!

Take the follow survey, if the majority of your answers are yes, than you sir/madam are a golf nut!

1. Your idea of a good time is staying home and watching the British Open
on a Saturday night.

2. You curse the game only to play it the next day.

3. You haven’t puked from seeing the same faces regularly for four and half
hours.

4. You see your drive ahead of everyone else and talk about it for a week.

5. You secretly wish evil on your flightmates.

6. A golf store has a magnetic effect on your walk.

7. You cringe when your better half asks you if you have anything to do on
Sunday.

8. Your golf attire becomes your everyday wear.

9. Your toilet seat gets covered with a stack of golf books and magazines.

10. You make small practice swings inside the church while hearing mass.

11. You get burned by the sun and you’re proud of it.

12. You can open a video store with the number of golf tapes you own.

13. Ten inches of rain has no effect on your decision to play.

14. When your caddy says he sees lightning, your reply is “what lightning?”

15. You go to the practice range and try to give golf tips to the person on
the next stall.

16. Your bumper sticker reads: MY OTHER CAR IS A GOLF CART.

17. People in your family get their supply of suntan lotion from you when
they go swimming.

18. A day at the beach means you hit too many sand traps.

19. Your spouse complains because you try to bring your clubs to bed, (to keep
them warm, dry, and safe, of course) demanding that you choose between them
and the clubs….And you hesitate before answering.

20. You took the time to read this.