Hah, I love this joke and make a concerted effort to tell it to my wife daily!

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, ‘If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?’ No, I had to stop drinking years ago, ‘the homeless man replied.

‘Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?’ the man asked.’ No, I don’t waste time fishing, ‘the homeless man said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’

‘Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?’ the man asked. ‘Are you NUTS!’ replied the homeless man. ‘Since failing at my golf degree, I haven’t played golf in 20 years!’

‘Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?’ the man asked.’ What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?’ exclaimed the homeless man.

‘Well, ‘said the man, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.’ The homeless man was astounded.’ Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’

The man replied, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and women.’

Nun Blasphemy

A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration..

“What troubles you, Sister?” asks the Mother Superior, “I thought this was the day you spent with your family?”‘

“It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to God.”

“I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So, I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?”

“Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!”

“Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished, “You must tell me all about it!”

“Well, we were on the fifth tee and this hole is a monster. Mother it was a 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a tucked away, hidden green. I hit the drive of my life, It was the sweetest swing I’ve ever made and I creamed it! It’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted and then it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!”

“Oh my, how unfortunate” commiserated the Mother, “But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister..”

“No, that wasn’t it,” admitted Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway.”

“Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized Mother.

“But I didn’t, Mother Superior!” cried the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! While I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in its claws!”

“So that’s when you swore,” said the Mother with a knowing smile. “No, that wasn’t it either,” the anguished sister said, “because as the hawk started to fly away, the squirrel began struggling, the hawk dropped him right there on the green and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”

Mother Superior was silent for a long while, sat back in her chair with her arms crossed and fixed the Sister with a baleful stare.

“You missed the God D*** putt, didn’t you?”

If you’re looking for more laughs, check out our complete list of golf jokes.

This video is hilarious! Features Ben Crane, Bubba Watson, Rickie Fowler & Hunter Mahan, these fellas have come together to form the PGA exclusive boy band called “Golf Boys.”

The song is available on Itunes -> Oh Oh Oh – Single – Golf Boys.

Farmers Insurance  signed on as the presenting sponsor for Ben Cranes latest and soon to be viral video “Oh Oh Oh.” As part of the deal, Farmers Insurance will donate $1,000 for every 100,000 views of the “Golf Boys” video. The charitable proceeds will support both Farmers Insurance and Ben Crane charitable initiatives in support of the Farmers Insurance Open.

So, share, like, digg, +1, Facebook, tweet the Golf Boys video as much as you can to help generate as much traffic to the video as possible to support these charitable initiatives!

Have a custom club fitting question? Visit our Ask the Fitter page, post your question and you’ll be entered to win a free custom club fitting from the TaylorMade Performance Lab!

Figured a little Thursday golf humor was in order.

I received this poem in an email and had to share it..

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White and Dimpled And Rather Small
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its Size I Could Not Guess
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess,
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I’ve Wandered Through The Depths Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It’s Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows … I’ll Be Back Tomorrow.

Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls!
A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
This means that, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Have a custom club fitting question? Visit our Ask the Fitter page, post your question and you’ll be entered to win a free custom club fitting from the TaylorMade Performance Lab!

Coming off his spectacular win at the 2011 Farmers Insurance Open, Bubba Watson announces to the world that he is retiring from golf to pursue his life long dream of becoming the host of his own TV show.

Shortly after this announcement, he posted up the very first episode of his new show “Afternoon Drive” on Twitter.

His first interview is with none other than Ricky Fowler, who expresses his deep affection for pop sensation Justin Bieber and plans on pursing a degree in motocross.

Although we here at OrlandoGolfBlogger.com are saddened by the loss of one of the few professional left handed golfers on tour, we applaud your desire to follow your dreams and wish you the best of luck Bubba!

Have a custom club fitting question? Visit our Ask the Fitter page, post your question and you’ll be entered to win a free custom club fitting from the TaylorMade Performance Lab!

Ben Crane, three time winner on the PGA Tour, who finished 14th (Earning $104,400) at the Farmers Insurance Open last weekend, gives viewers a bit of insight on his pre-round routine.

It may seem unorthodox, but using his methods, he was able to net six professional wins, the most recent PGA Tour win was the 2010 Farmers Insurance Open.

Funny little tidbit on Mr. Ben Crane..

According to Wikipedia, he does not like to know with whom he will be paired, saying, “I looked up to a lot of these guys who I’m now playing with. So, I didn’t want to have to go to sleep thinking about it.”

Crane is also considered one of the slowest players in the tour. On at least two occasions his extremely slow progress through a course has become a media issue, including one in which a fellow tour player Rory Sabbatini played out of turn and then was cited for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Crane missed the majority of the 2007 season due to back problems, and played on the PGA Tour in 2008 on a major medical extension. He finished 64th on the money list to retain his card for 2009.

You’ve gotta love a golfer with a sense of humor who isn’t so full of himself he needs a cup to catch the overflow!

Have a custom club fitting question? Visit our Ask the Fitter page, post your question and you’ll be entered to win a free custom club fitting from the TaylorMade Performance Lab!

A friend of mine sent me this amusing golf shot video. I seriously think that the fates, moons and stars must have been in perfect alignment when he set this shot up, because there’s no way he could duplicate this shot.

Caution: It’s recommended that the video be played sans sound (pretty the darn mute button!) lest ye be exposed to extremely annoying yelling and screaming.

In other news, we’re putting the finishing touches on the 2011 Battle of the Golf Blogs, we’ve confirmed that the venue is once again going to be out at Falcon’s Fire and we’re going to do battle using net match play.

There’s still two unconfirmed invitees, so if you’re going to be at the 2011 PGA Merchandise Show, a golf blogger and you want to participate, shoot me an email or leave me a comment and we’ll see about getting you in.

Have a custom club fitting question? Visit our Ask the Fitter page, post your question and you’ll be entered to win a free custom club fitting from the TaylorMade Performance Lab!

Little Monday Golf Humor for you.

With those putting skills, Darth Vader has a bright future on the PGA Tour!

That raises an interesting discussion, for all you Star Wars fans out there, who do you think would be the greatest professional golfer out of all the characters from the original movies?

I’m going with Yoda, it would, of course be a little tough to find him a good set of clubs, nothing the TaylorMade Performance Lab couldn’t manage, though.. He’d easily master the mental aspect of the game, which for most is at least 90%.

His close proximity to the ground would give him an edge on reading those difficult putts. Ofcourse, conventional methods don’t necessarily apply when dealing with those who manipulate the force..

Who do you think?

What goes through a golfers head during the 1.5 seconds it takes to start and complete a golf swing.

The power of the human mind, eh?

Book your next Discount Orlando Tee Times through our new online tee times booking engine.

GOLF HUMOR – ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT THE PUBLIC GOLF COURSE ( Amherst , Mass. )

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 dollars.
Caller: Does that include golf?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this
Your correct phone number?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What’s the
Weather going to be like that day?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I’m running late.
Can you still get me out early?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of
Golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff: You mean a driving range?
Caller: No, that’s not it..,,,

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I’d like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12
O’clock and noon.
Staff: Between 12 o’clock and noon?
Caller: Yes.
Staff: We’ll try to squeeze you in.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o’clock?
Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:1 5.
Caller: What’s the next time after that?
Staff: We have one at 10:22.
Caller: We’ll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: How much to play golf today?
Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller: 38 dollars?
Staff: No, 38 yen.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff: What time would you like?
Caller: What times do you have?
Staff: What time of the day?
Caller: Any time.
Staff: Morning or afternoon?
Caller: Whenever.
Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the
Afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller: No, I don’t think any of those times will work for me.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a dress code?
Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.
Caller: How about clothes?
Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff: Sorry, we’re all out of large balls. But we can give you twice
As many small balls for the same price.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff: Sure, what time would you like?
Caller: Something between 9 o’clock and 10 o’clock. In the morning, if
Possible.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there?
Staff: Yes, they’re 25 dollars.
Caller: How much to rent a bag?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he’s on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a large bucket?
Staff: Four dollars.
Caller: Does that include the balls?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff: Yes, It’s 15 dollars after 2 o’clock.
Caller: And what time does that start?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I’d like some info about your golf course.
Staff: OK, what would you like to know?
Caller: I don’t know, that’s why I called.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said
they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?

If you’re looking for more laughs, check out our complete list of golf jokes.