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Golf Jokes – 25 Irrefutable Laws of Golf

1. No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the at the end of the round, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a season and, eventually, a lifetime.
2. The best round of your life will be followed almost immediately by the worst round of your life. The probability of the this occurrence increases with the number of people you tell about the it.
3. New golf balls are drawn to water. although this cannot be proven by science, it is a well known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
4. Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
5. No matter what causes a golfer to shank a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the golf gods.
6. The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
7. The older you are, the more likely you are to “play your age.”
8. Every par-three in the world has a “Napoleon Complex” which equates to a burning desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater the complex.
9. Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
10. Palm trees eat golf balls.
11. Depending on your shot, the USGA “ground under repair ruling” can be applied anywhere on the course.
12. Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you?
13. Golf carts always die at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
14. A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.
15. All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
16. It NEVER “opens up over there.”
17. Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water.
18. A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
19. “Nice lag” can usually be translated to “lousy putt.” Similarly, “tough break” can usually be translated “way to miss an easy one, sucker.”
20. The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
21. The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
22. Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
23. Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
24. All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
25. A cart path bounce will NEVER play to your advantage.

Over at Good Walk Spoiled, fellow blogger Jeff mentioned that Vanity Fair is running a feature on Tiger Woods’s many mistresses detailing various personal accounts with golf’s #1 man and photo spreads of the ladies.

You can read his take on it here – Vanity Fair’s attempt to screw Tiger during Masters week.

There’s a teaser article about Tiger’s Mistresses up on Vanity Fair’s website. The full article will be included in the April 7th print release of the rag magazine, which coincidentally is one day before Tiger’s opening round at the 2010 Masters.

As if there wasn’t enough pressure, now he’s going to be bombarded with additional criticism regarding his infidelity with the release happening so close to his return to golf.

A commenter on Jeff’s post mentioned that..

“If stores haven’t already done so, they need to move Vanity Fair from the “legitimate magazine” section to the tabloid section, between the National Enquirer and the Star. Trashy.”

I completely agree, hence, this posts title..

Vanity Fair, from my limited exposure, is supposed to be a credible magazine discussing culture, society and politics.

HOW does this article fit into any of those categories?

From my perspective, it doesn’t.. Or at least not without a quite a stretch..

I was beginning to think we were starting to move on, the other day I was in the grocery store at the checkout counter and scanning all the tabloids, not a single mention of Tiger Woods and his mistresses, they had all moved on to Sandra Bullock and Jessie James..

Now, I fear, Vanity Enquirer might have rekindled this nauseating flame and we’re going to be inundated with more personal dirty accounts of Tiger Woods off the course…which could potentially affect his performance ON the course, which is really all we golf fans care about..

Do you think the media frenzy that’s bound to surface due to this article will negatively affect Tiger’s performance at the Masters?

I received an email from some guys over at the Somax Performance Institute analyzing the efficiency of Arnold Palmer‘s golf swing.

Because he had an unusual finish, history has ignored the virtues of Palmer’s swing.  Our analysis find that his swing was much more efficient than current pros, which is why he was able to drive the ball 346 yards with the old equipment and win 92 tournaments, including four Masters.

Regarding the 2010 Masters, Comcast plans on delivering the tournament in 3D to TV and Internet. See below…

Moments ago, Augusta National Golf Club announced our partnership to deliver the Masters Tournament in next generation 3D to US homes. For the first time ever, consumers with new 3D televisions and 3D-enabled PCs will be able to watch the next evolution of 3D in their homes on television and on the Internet when the Masters broadcasts live in 3D from April 7-11. This historic broadcast will be a glimpse at the future of entertainment, and we couldn’t be more excited to bring it to consumers first.

In fact, this event will mark a series of industry firsts – the first live national next-generation 3D broadcast of a major sporting event on TV, the first live simulcast of a next-gen 3D event online, and the industry’s first live multi-camera next-gen 3D production.

We’ll be providing consumers with access to a never-before seen Masters coverage of the Tournament through a dedicated 3D channel that will show about two hours of live footage per day. This channel will show customers a unique viewing experience from the traditional Masters coverage using different camera angles produced by the Masters for this rare 3D experience.

Our engineers in Comcast Labs have been testing transmission of footage from Augusta National over the past few weeks and I can tell you that it’s nothing short of spectacular. You can see how 3D can dramatically enhance the viewing experience, giving a unique, immersive perspective of the golf environment. The challenges to the players represented by the varied contours of the course come alive and I particularly liked one shot where the sand flew from the bunker. Wow.

To make the experience possible, Comcast will use our fiber network to carry a 3D production feed provided to the Comcast Media Center where we will package it for distribution to our systems and the Masters website. Sony and IBM are playing critical roles in working with us and the Masters to make this 3D broadcast available to consumers.

As our industry experiments with new ways to deliver live 3D content to the home, consumer electronics manufacturers like Sony, Panasonic and Samsung are beginning to make 3D-enabled TV sets available at retail. If you’re one of those early adopters who had to get your hands on an HDTV set in the late 1990s and like to try every new device first, then this is your chance to watch the next big thing. You will also be able to play the live 3D stream at www.masters.com on your PC, using a 3D media player, 3D monitor and 3D glasses. Traditional Masters Tournament coverage will continue to be available in HD on CBS and ESPN with highlights On Demand and online.

The Masters has long been a leader in the adoption of new broadcast technologies and holds the distinction of being the first golf tournament presented live in HD. Similarly, Comcast was one of the first cable companies to offer HDTV content to our customers. Since then, we’ve dramatically increased the amount of HD content we provide and seen the number of HDTVs skyrocket from zero to fifty percent household penetration today. Similar to HD, Comcast has consistently offered traditional (“anaglyph”) 3D movie content though On Demand and has seen a strong response from its customers. This past December, Comcast was recognized in a research study as one of the top three trusted 3D brands, and the only video provider, along with Samsung and Sony.

Sounds good in theory, but I’m thinking it’s too soon and they’re wasting money. From what I know, there’s only a handful of 3D capable TV’s and they only began selling them, at most, one month ago. Not to mention, I’m not sold on the idea of having to wear 3D glasses in the house to watch TV, to me, 1080P good enough!

I can already envision the scenario.. I come home one day, geared up to watch the 2010 Masters in 3D only to find that the glasses have disappeared and after ten minutes of searching, I throw my hands up in disgust and flip to golf in HD.

Let’s get some discussion on this.. Would you purchase a 3D TV just to be able to watch the Masters?

Don’t forget to check out the 2010 Masters “Win With Phil” Free Callaway Driver Giveaway and the 2010 Masters Tickets – Cristie Kerr’s “He’s Back” Raffle

Cleveland Launcher DST Driver – Review

A few weeks back I received the new Cleveland Launcher DST Driver to put through the paces and review. After logging four rounds of golf and just as many trips to the range, I’m ready to make my report.

I’ve had a lot of fun with this bad boy and it’s going to be a sad sad day when I’ve finally got to send ‘em back.

To reiterate my previous post, the Cleveland Launcher DST Driver comes packed with quite a few cool new features. It was designed with this philosophy:

“The lighter you can make the club, the more clubhead speed a golfer will be able to generate, thus increasing the distance the golf ball will travel.”

This philosophy leads to the first feature in the Cleveland Launcher DST Driver, the Sub 300G Ultralight. The entire club weights 292 grams making it 25 grams lighter than the average driver and making it the lightest driver on the PGA Tour.

The Cleveland Launcher DST Driver features the new MaxCOR Face Technology. COR is the Coefficient of Restitution and Max means.. the most..  Basically, COR is a measurement of how “trampoline like” your clubface is, and more is better. This “trampoline like” effect puts a little extra oomph in the ball to get a couple extra yards. The Cleveland Launcher DST Driver has a higher COR on off center impact because of the variable clubface thickness and even mishits will benefit from the MaxCOR resulting in greater ball speed and distance.

Nine grams of weight were removed from the face and repositioned low and deep into clubhead to create a deeper center of gravity for higher MOI (Moment of Inertia) and reduced side spin on drives.

The stock shaft in the Cleveland Launcher DST Driver is the Mitsubishi Diamana Red series which is 3/4-inch longer than standard shafts and weighs just 47 grams.

Because of the Sub 300g technology and the increase clubhead speed, Cleveland Golf states that the Launcher DST will increase your distance off the tee between three to ten yards.

In my experience, that increased distance is an under exaggeration. Before hitting the Cleveland Launcher DST Driver, I was wielding a 10.5 degree Nike Str8-fit Driver. It has the adjustable clubhead technology, and for the majority of the time I’ve had it, it’s been two degrees closed to help offset my slice and I’ve been cranking drives around 240-250 yards. If I was having a bad driver day, my slice could be pretty ugly, to the point where you’d want to put the driver away.

For the review I figured I’d be a bit ballzy and requested a nine degree Cleveland Launcher DST Driver. I was a bit apprehensive about hitting it, us higher handicappers have an aversion to hitting lower lofted clubs, we’re always told those are for the big boys and we need to steer clear. After hitting the Cleveland Launcher DST, I now understand why they’re telling us to stay away, it’s like some highly guarded secret they don’t want us to know. Hitting a nine degree driver is just as easy as hitting the 10.5 and guess what, you’ll get an extra 20-60 yards off the tee. Or at least is the case with the Launcher DST.

It took me very little time to get in the “swing of things” (lolz) with the new driver and not long after I hit my first ever 300 yard drive (I have credible witnesses and no, no cartpath bounce!) . It came flying off the tee like a rocket, started on the right side of the fairway and faded slightly left, ending up smack dab in the center of the fairway about 70 yards from the pin.

Impressive right? What’s even more impressive is that it wasn’t my longest drive. Exactly one week later, on a Par Five I hit a 308 yard drive and was on in two hitting my second shot with the Cleveland Launcher DST Fairway Wood (which I’ll review soon, also awesome.. fyi). Ok, well.. I didn’t STAY on in two.. it hit the green and trickled off the back.. but I reached it at least!

It has a pretty sweet sound too. Of course, I’m coming off the chunky sound of the Str8-Fit and the Sumo before that.. it’s that higher pitched *tink* that makes you involuntarily shiver with sheer delight because if you hear that, there’s no need to watch where your ball is going to land, you KNOW it’s fairway bound.

I really wish I had something negative to add about the Cleveland Launcher DST Driver, you know, something to help balance the review, but I can’t think of anything I don’t like about it. Even the mishits with this club are good, I’ve yet to lose a ball off the tee with this club. I topped the crap out of one of my tee shots and it still managed to find the fairway right next to the 150 mark.. now that’s what I’m talking about!

The club received a gold rating on the 2010 Golf Digest Hotlist and it’s well deserved.

The Cleveland Launcher DST Driver is available in 9.0°, 10.5° & 12.0° with an MSRP of $299.99 and it’s  also available in a Draw and Tour model. You can purchase this club at GolfSmith as well as many other club retail locations.

If you’ve hit this club I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.

For a review on the Cleveland Launcher DST Driver from a scratch golfer, check out Club Review – Cleveland Launcher DST Driver

Also, check out Cleveland CG15 Wedges Review