You Might Be a Golfer….

Reminiscent of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a Redneck..”

I’m starting the “You Might Be a Golfer…” list and I’d like your help. ๐Ÿ™‚ย  Here’s what I’ve thought of so far..


  • your dominant hand is darker than your other hand.
  • you’ve ever used the term “undulation” in a conversation
  • your legs are Bay Watch tan and your feet are ivory white.
  • you’ve ever discussed the finer points of bermuda grass over a beer
  • you’ve eve rubbernecked while driving past a Golf Course.
  • you’ve ever practiced your golf swing while talking to a co-worker in the hall way.
  • you purchased cable for the sole purpose of having The Golf Channel
  • you know what “Ace Insurance” is
  • you purchased an HDTV so you could watch The Golf Channel in HD
  • you’ve started a conversation with a complete stranger because they were wearing a golf hat.
  • you’ve ever punched someone in the face because they said golf is not a real sport (or wanted to)
  • you purchased a Nintendo Wii in the hopes that you could work on your golf swing
  • you’ve ever spent $69 dollars on a polo

Here’s some that others have come up with..

  • it always looks like you’re wearing white socks and a T shirt
  • hearing โ€œFORE!โ€ scares you more than when you hear โ€œforeplay.”
  • you unintentionally aerate the yard while practicing your short game.
  • your forehead is whiter than the rest of your face.
  • you put off replacing family room carpet because you like swing golf clubs in family room.

If you can think of others, leave it in a comment, or give me an @davelair on Twitter.

If you love it, hate it or are somewhere in between, I’d like to hear that too ๐Ÿ™‚


  11 comments for “You Might Be a Golfer….

  1. Randell H

    Dang, every one of them are true! Great list!

  2. at

    Thanks, glad you like it! Can you think of any that I haven’t included? ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Andrew

    You might be a golfer when hearing “FORE!” scares you more than when you hear “foreplay”.

  4. at

    haha!! that’s great!

  5. permial

    You aerate your yard while practicing your short game.

  6. at

    hah! Is this something you do? ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. at

    oooooh, I get it now! Ha, that’s awesome! Perhaps it should be you unintentionally aerate the yard while practicing your short game ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. at

    If you buy hockey arena board and nail it to the ceiling to stop a golf club from punching through the ceiling while practicing your swing in the house.

  9. at

    Great list Dave! Here’s a couple off the top of my head.

    If you can recite all of Bill Murray’s lines in Caddyshack …

    If you know the difference between Jack Nicklaus and Jack Nicholson …

    If your pants have holes in the pockets from golf tees …

  10. at

    You know you are Hooked On Golf when…

    You drink John Daly wine because it is John Daly wine.
    When everything you do is evaluated by saying ” I didn’t have my ‘A’ Game today”
    When your neighbors call to ask you turn-up your Surround Sound so they hear the Masers Coverage better.
    When every mirror you pass you have too check your “set up”.
    When you are the only one in the room who actually knows what someone means when they say “Never Up, Never in”
    When you jump in the car and hit the gas peddle thinking you are still driving a golf cart.
    When you stopped the course superintendent to as advise on how to change your yard to a putting green.
    When you know if you inhale or exhale in your backswing.
    When you carry your luck ball mark everywhere you go

    and really know you are hooked on golf when…

    you know who ‘Ranger Rick’ is and have his autograph.

  11. at

    If you hear “Twilight” and think “cheap golf” rather than “romance” …

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